Maddie is my angel-from-heaven. The first time I ever looked at her I knew that God loved me so much, that he wanted me to have her and only her at that exact moment. That is why I had a miscarriage the first time I ever got pregnant, that is why I went through so much hell from her daddy, that is why I moved out to LA at the time I did and moved on to Westmount Dr. the time I did, and went walking with murphy (my beagle), when I did to meet her daddy. That is why everything and every person I ever met happened the way it did. To give me and bless me with Maddie. She wears an angelface 12" ball chain necklace at all times (so does Morgan and I) to remind her as well as everyone that sees it, that this girl is my angel. Yes, she might get into all my gum, and climb on the counters and hide in the dryer, and overflow the bathroom sink and poop on the floor (not anymore now that she is potty trained) and bit her sister and scream at the top of her lungs. But she is my angel-from-heaven. She is my best friend on the earth (besides her dad) and she is my lover. She is the maker of our family and she helps me to be happy. She is the reason for everything I do and work for, she is the reason for my life. When i look into her eyes, I know why God kept me alive thus far...
~Maddie at the Ritz (Marina del Rey) hottube smiling at Uncle Buddy~
~Morgan-Rose Marie (left), Maddie-Ann Elizabeth (right)~
My Rose- petal, (aka: Morgan-Rose, Rosie, Mor, Morgie) is the family keeper. if it was not for her, I would be a single mom trying to make it all alone, crying through my tears everyday to not show the pain. Trying to show happiness to my little girl that deserves so much, the world, but I could not give it. My Rose-Petal, the first time I got an ultrasound was smiling in my tummy, waving, so happy. As if she knew she had the power to fix our family before I knew. My sweet Rose, that has been through So much, and was almost born at 26 weeks weighing 2 pounds. I was so sick. Alone in the hospital sacred that this little girl would not make it. Looking back if I had not gotten so sick when I was pregnant with her, Her daddy would not have had to be super-dad and take care of Maddie and work and do everything....
~the san-fran sweater on maddie at the old apartment~
My mom and sister, Caitlin, find the most amazing things on the streets on San Francisco, our nation's leading city as far as I'm concerned. I watch every news station daily because one cannot receive the news from just one source anymore as we all know. It is highly concentrated for a particular audience. So when I constantly hear Fox News (O'Reilly) always insulting San Francisco, (referring to "San Francisco values") as bad and constantly putting down their progressive thinking. I get offended. I love San Fran, I think San Fran is one of the best cities in the world no doubt the cleanest, best transportation, beautiful, eclectic, most free and equal rights anywhere in the United States. This sweater on Maddie was made by Guatemalan women hand sewn and beautiful.. Walking the chilly streets on San Fran one can find many amazing hand made items from people around the world. Love New York too, but all you find there is fake Louis Vuitton and Prada, sorry O'Reilly.
The older I get, the more often I realize that the smallest things that use to make me so happy have disappeared and are replaced by big worries. Looking at something so common as stairs reminds me of this. Little children love to play on stairs, the up and down is so much fun. The sense of accomplishment when having had reached the top is great for my 18 month old. And she climbs down again to start over. The stairs are like the cycle of life. There is a top and there is a bottom and our whole lives we are either going up or going down. It is those rare occasions that we are at the top and realize and appreciate it. Same is true for the bottom. You have to hit the bottom before you can go up again. And again And again...
The simplest things are TRUE: I LOVE YOU.
Follow the light in your life. 
